To all the boys I've loved before

Price Drop dress / H&M crossbody bag / unbranded shoes

No, I haven't watched the TV series because I don't have a Netflix account even though I'm dying to watch the series :( So boohoo, sorry for letting you down. It's been a while since the last time I talk about real, personal stuff on the blog. So for today's post, I'm going to talk about the overrated word; love. Just because recently it's been circulating around my life.

I have only been in a relationship twice, and I'm currently in my second one. But I have fallen in love with so many guys, don't get me wrong. If you're an old followers of mine, you must have seen my break-up post somewhere on the blog. My first relationship ended by the end of 2016 because my ex cheated on me with my junior in university. And though it hurts so bad, I managed to keep myself together with the help of supportive friends. I don't always talk about my relationship with my family aside from the usual basic questions about my boyfriend, so my parents didn't know anything, of course. But they knew I was no longer with my ex. They just never ask why.

Okay they kinda did, but I never explained why because it's a waste of energy and time.

A friend of mine asked me few months ago if I had forgiven my ex. The answer is no. It's not even the fact that I'm in a relationship again now, but I ain't gonna give forgiveness for people who don't even seek for it. It's not hatred, but rather an empty feelings where I pretend like he doesn't exist. I tried so hard to have a big heart, to forgive him even when he's unforgivable but it is just impossible. And I don't mind having to keep it that way, because we're worlds apart and we just don't need each other. So cutting off his presence is a piece of cake. Because we didn't develop any kind of relationship other than being past lover. We weren't even classmates or he was ever in my circle, no nothing. So when we ended, everything just did.

And then I question myself; have I always been this merciless? But then NO. Hahaha. Because he didn't ask for it, and he's done terrible things to me even after we broke up and he already with someone else, yet he still pulled on my heartstrings. Have I moved on? Yes I have. But that doesn't change the fact that he never asked for my forgiveness. Thankfully everyone hates him and thinks that he's a waste of society. So I had nothing to lose.

Afterall, I expect nothing more than someone who dumped me through LINE chat. Couldn't even look me in the eye, what a coward.

Let's move on to another guy, shall we?

This guy's just... has his own place in my brain. Because it's where I keep all of my memories. The heart is a sole throne for my partner, no question to that. Up until now, we're still best friends. We're in the same circle of friends so to cut him off the radar would be a little problematic. We still hang out, we sometimes talk to each other about our love-life problem, etc. All in all, we established a different kind of relationship that is so much better than just ex-love interest. We never got together officially but we were pretty close. I don't know about him but I did have feelings for him.

We didn't work out because, we hold different beliefs. It just wouldn't work out, no matter how much we tried. But he's a good guy which is why it's easier to develop a friendlier relationship with him. I learned a lot of things from him and our past story helped me to grow as a person.

And then here comes the guy. That one guy who truly taught me that love knows no bound and doesn't always have to be expressed as a status. I guess that was the first time I ever fell in love so hard with a man. He was a friend that I met from my course place. I came to the class every single day just to see him and he was the one who motivated me to get into UGM. In which I did. So everything that I am today, I owe it to him.

We never got together because I never told him how I felt. I was afraid I would ruin our friendship if I did tell him, so I just stayed quiet. During that time I learnt how to truly love a person for all that he was without expecting anything in return.

I want to thank you to all the boys I've loved before, because all the experience and feelings I had for them in the past shaped me into who I am today. Even though I'm still far from the perfect partner, but I'm willing to grow. And I'm forever grateful that my current partner is someone who helps me to be a better person. I've never been with someone who wants me as much as I want them. Yes, we fight. Yes, we scream at the top of our lungs. Yes, we still hurt each other. But we never forget to come back. I'm working on my communication issue because I believe that has been one of my biggest downfall. Thankfully my partner never fails to help me to improve.

Well, I guess that's all for today. I know it's kind of a heavy talk (or not? Haha) but I wanna welcome some of my new followers today so I figure why not start with something personal. I hope you enjoy today's post, I feel good to finally be able to post outfit posts again. Hopefully I can post more of something like this. It's a little hard to do since I don't do a lot of shopping for clothes because as you guess it, most of my money now goes for make-up and skincare lol.

Thank you so much for reading and see you guys on another post!

BONUS PHOTOS!